17th June 2023
It has been a while:) Here is a post for 2023.
This blog is written as a converse to ‘Standing on the Shoulders of Giants #8’. What to do when you are not in a clear peaceful state of mind and aligned with yourself and the outside world? What to do when you are facing severe external and internal pressures from your family, society and your own internalised emotions & thoughts.
This is a blog for your subconscious, written in a state of pain and vulnerability. All states are useful to understand. This particular state is useful for those situations requiring our mightiest courage, resilience and grit to face the truth fearlessly.
‘Sticks and stones may break my bones sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me’, how do we achieve this state of mind? To understand this truly we have to delve in the the realm of the subconscious. After meeting oneself there and speaking the language of emotion beyond the surface logic, there, I believe, one can become unshakeable. This is why music has so much power such as in religions, capable of giving both power and peace at a deep level.
Words are not a bullet they cannot harm you, but zooming in with finer granularity the tone and the emotion behind the words can interact beyond your logic and penetrate deep into your subconscious. From there as we know from Internal Family Systems (IFS) the Exile/Inner Child can be hurt. Without a strong sense of Self present, the unconscious Parents of Manager/Inner Critic take over and maybe lashes in vengeful spite, taking glee to cut down the other to prevent more pain ‘protecting the child’, equally the criticism can become internalised. The Firefighter part may also distract from the Inner Childs pain with binging and unhealthy avoidant coping mechanism.
However the true magic is when the fully conscious adult self recognises all these subconscious patterns and brings them to peace with an understanding of compassion towards each element. The self then meets the external world with the same compassion, a reflection of the internal world.
This seems abstract, it is important to show real life examples from being vulnerable. Everyone may internalise ideas, comments and expectations with their own filters and according to their own sensitivity. Most of the time it may be the wise thing to do to just hold compassion and let the situation pass. However if unconscious behaviour becomes repetitive and chronic this may manifest itself in relationships and life situations.
A common example is – why are a lot of people, who are not in poverty, stuck in a job or relationship that is causing them pain? Why are they not aiming for a higher purpose aligned to them? Their unconsciousness of their subconsciousness is prevalent here.
With the same compassion, truth and courage a metaphorical sword must be drawn to cut away at unconsciousness, illusions and limiting beliefs. This brings true clarity and freedom.
Often comments show peoples own view of their self and project it on to others. This is how belief systems are unconsciously internalised and passed on, from families to societies. It is a brave person who holds the truth closely and brings light to the darkness.
What is shocking is that when repeated, society can normalise and encrust these, just like a build up of earwax. These are not just sentences. When delivered it carries a whole tone and thought patterns that limits the person like a canon ball shackled around an ankle. These comments can range from expectations and suggestions on the body, intellect, life situation, relationships. These can create trapped emotions of guilt, shame, anger, anxiety and powerlessness. When written all together the true reality takes shape, like a lot of garbage collecting together in the pristine vast ocean.
I will share common examples from my own life that may or may not show the others’ own internalised belief system. This is open to your own interpretation. To be clear I am doing this not to bring shame to anyone or make them wrong, but to hold it in the space of compassion and for the chance that, maybe these similar comments & tones show up in your life, and that you are not alone…
‘pan head’, ‘your anorexic’, ‘fat boy’, ‘stick insect’, ‘your too skinny’, ‘your arms are like a girl’, ‘you should have been born a girl’, ‘your legs are like ice poles’, ‘I don’t want you to fail’, ‘you should study medicine’, ‘you should become a doctor’, ‘make us proud’, ‘you should marry…’, ‘when you get married…’, ‘your wife will be like…’, ‘your 25 you should…’, ‘I would rather you get a degree first then you can…’, ‘you are not good enough’, ‘you’re not as smart as you think you are’, ‘don’t get a big head’, ‘you don’t do anything’, ‘you only care about yourself’, ‘you do not do anything for anyone’, ‘mouse’, ‘donkey’, ‘dog’, ‘don’t end up like a garbage-man’, ‘you’re not normal’, ‘look at everyone else they are not…’,
The pain can cause you to be less vulnerable, close of yourself by patching up your ‘weaknesses’, (sensitivities) emotional scars and traumas in a multitude of ways. Affirmations can be a next step to alleviate pain from the Inner Child and allow the true self to take it’s place.
‘you have my full permission to do, say and be anything you want’, ‘you are free’, ‘I love you unconditionally’, ‘you are safe’, ‘rest whenever you want’, ‘I see you fully’, ‘you are powerful/fearless/strong’.
Notice the difference: The tone. The lightness. The openness.
You can see the power in symbolism, in gods, in becoming a ‘lion’. There comes a stage where being so secure in ones own affirmations, one already intuitively senses ones worth beyond affirmation and through self-empowerment that human is liberated from the internal and external belief systems and knows itself naturally as compassion and others too. The rest is simply illusory. Through this we can understand Guru Gobind Singh’s writing in Dasam Granth: “Nobody gives self-rule as a gift to another, it is to be seized through their own strength”.
My message to you is do not get trampled under the feet of unconscious trolls with a limited view of life. Trolls being, not the humans, but the unconscious belief systems they have inherited and collected. Rise up and secure yourself, stand on the shoulders of giants.
-Jhoty
Jhoty 